• My Blog For You

Life like it does sometimes, seems to be in a rhythm. I had to get back to the business of working to pay bills like rent, food, gas, expenses for the kids and the like.  My life, like many middle-class Americans continued that same trek.  During the work week and during the school year day after day, month after month, year after year was pretty much the same.  Monday morning was the start of a new work week, and it was all about getting up in the morning, getting Robert up, dressed, hair and teeth brushed, face washed and out the door with some breakfast getting him off to school and then in my car on my way to work.  Work the day, get home to my latchkey son Robert Jr.  All day they would do what their teachers said to do, have a cafeteria lunch provided then after school walk home.  He would sometimes walk home with his new friend from the block, Michael Whelchel.  Robert always beat me home from school in the afternoon, so we had a secret place where we stashed a key to get in the house.  Once home he and Mike would do what most young primary school kids do, whatever homework they had been assigned by their teachers to do, get a snack from the refrigerator, and sit down to play video games or watch TV.  Mike, Roberts new best friend and recent new inhabitant to the cul-de-sac was an odd bird.  He had a very vivid imagination.  He and Robert would arrive from their short walk home, Robert checking in as was requested with Mike’s mom Ginny.  Ginny and her husband Steve were good friends of mine from the church.  Ginny, a stay-at-home mom would watch out for Robert. like he was one of her own. Together Robert and Mike would build all kinds of make-believe forts, old west hide outs or outer space stations in their minds. They would play it seemed endless games of adventure, intrigue, and suspense.  They both had vivid imaginations, to say the least, making up all sorts of things to play with, run with, shoot, launch, power, you name it.  In our garage they had constructed from stuff, found on the street or around the block, a playhouse I would call it.  What kind of room you ask?  I think one time it was their club house or hide out, I do not know…They knew, but that information was a well-guarded secret.  Michael said to me once.  “If I told you I would have to certainly kill you. That information is classified Mr. Wasson. He was in no way serious but that was part of Michael’s charm.  He was kind of dorky in that way.  Honestly sometimes, I would play along with them.  They both would stop and look at me with stares that said, Are you serious?  I didn’t think much of it.  I would simply roll my eyes whenever either of them would open their mouths.  They were very goofy kids.  In writing or remembering back this part, it was fun to recall their antics pulling from the highlights only.  The two boys would spend hours at our house or there at Michael’s house conjuring up all sorts of characters that were bent on conquering the world.  It was all harmless and G rated fun. At that time and in those years, Robert and I lived in a two-bedroom, one bath house which was a part of a closed off cul-de-sac at one end and the other end open to the street we lived on, Cloverly street.  As you came into the cul-de-sac, we were living in the second house on the left and the Whelchel’s had the three-bedroom, two bath house on the end or the fourth house on the left. Between our homes were new renters and recent new members to the ACC family Charles and Gwen with their son Chris.  Charles was the janitor and all-around hard-working hand at Arcadia Community Church. We never met the occupants of the front house that faced Cloverly Street on the right. We waved at in passing and had some brief interactions with a young family who lived in the second house across from ours, a very tall blonde husky man with his shorter black-haired Hispanic wife. They had recently moved in and had given birth to their first baby all in that time frame.  Eventually the new inhabitants on the right side on the end of the cul-de-sac would be my good friends from the Arcadia Community Church Tony and Susanne with their two boys Jake and Jordan.  Tony’s mom Lorraine was my mother’s best friend. Lorraine was kind of watching and looking after me when my mom moved from California to Washington state.  She was moving to be closer to her sister, brother, and brother-in-law who now all lived in Washington. Lorraine and her husband Don would invite me over for dinner. This is when Lorraine and Don invited me to attend a 12-step group that was never called that. It came to be known as The Friday Night Home Group.  They used a great mix of published works that come from 12 step recovery groups along with The Holy Bible, so in that regard they did not use the language of other 12 step groups like having for an obvious example, a relationship with their “Higher Power”. Those who attended knew who their higher power was.  It was Jesus Christ. Many of them had come to Christ and confessed their sin to Him, receiving forgiveness and healing from Him.  They all were still in the process of understanding their new faith in God but still for some, they struggled with their past vices.  That was also part of what the group was about, making reconciliation with those they had harmed, and those they needed to reconcile with.  The home group as I mention focused on the healing power of God in the here and now, from the awful past of those who struggled with various problems such as alcohol, drugs and other traumatic happenings like rape, divorce, sexual abuse, and overeating.  Lorraine could be very convincing, so eventually I decided to give it a whirl.  I had never had any issues with smoking, drinking, drug abuse, rape or sexual abuses but going thru the processes of a divorce made me a candidate for help recovering from this painful happening.  Home groups usually started with worship and praise and a short reading from the Word of God followed by a time of prayer and ministry.  After this was over, we would break off into smaller groups which dealt primarily with following the 12-step program along with a deeper dive into the Word of God. Some would talk about their most recent dealings with regards to these areas.  Most of those in my group were like me, working thru a divorce, child custody issues and dealing with the details of life in this regard.  It is never easy to talk in a group about your failings, but this was a tight group. I just didn’t think it was fair to the situation so I would in a lot of ways not answer the questions posed directly but would conceal and hold the facts close to my vest so to speak.  Honestly, there were at the that time many people who were coming to the church that had family and personal issues, so the Home Group on Friday was a good way for these people to receive ministry and attention. I didn’t meet Cheryl at one of these meetings as she never attended, even though she had been divorced for a few years from her ex-husband.  Jessica, her daughter, lived of course with her mom as they began to pick up the pieces of their life from that terrible past.  We met on a Sunday morning between 1st and 2nd service.  Jessica with one of her friends had brushed past me on her way into the narthex area outside of the sanctuary.  She stopped to say, “Sorry I didn’t mean to bump you”. I said, “Who are you?  She said “Jessica” I said, “Well, Jessica you are a very beautiful young girl”.  “Thank You, she said, do you know my mommy”?  I said, “No but I would love to meet her”.  Jessica continued to the Narthex entry doors and there was her mom as she entered.  Jessica excited I guess at meeting me, but I do not know why said, “I ran into this man”, I interrupted her by saying “I told Jessica she had such beautiful red hair”, and then said something like “she needs to be in the movies or a model or on the cover of some glamor magazine” Her mom listened quietly to all the interaction about our first meeting extending to shake my hand.  Cheryl and I then proceeded to shake hands.  Cheryl was a tall thin, beautiful brunette. She was cautiously engaging with me at first.  It would take several other times to get to know this woman better.  A few weeks had passed, after a few conversations with Pastor Drell, Cheryl, and her roommate Ree, came up to me arm in arm and together invited me to what they called a “Single Parents BBQ”.  They were going to host it at their home close by to the church.  This I found out later the two had met with Pastor Drell to find out the names of all the men and women in the church who were single parents. Together, Cheryl and Ree had decided to start an outreach ministry to single parents.  Both of them were raising kids alone and had a heart and a burden for people like themselves.  The BBQ was scheduled for a Saturday night but really did not have any formal agenda. The grills were grillin and the men and women gathered were talking and in conversation.  I got to the meeting a little late. I was alone as the kids were with my former wife that weekend. Most of the people who had come to the BBQ were people from the Friday Night Home Group that Don and Lorraine Sharp were moderators of.  I was not that excited to talk with any of them but was honestly more interested in talking to Cheryl.  Being at their house Jessica was there.  Cheryl and I talked for a little bit.  She showed me some of the “head shot” (closeups) pictures she had had taken of Jessica for parts in movies or print adds she had done which her agent at the time  had taken of her to spread around. These were always black and white photos but, on the bottom, or back, would have a biography written about her.  Where she had been, who she had worked with, what agency she was with, information like that.  She was extremely excited to work in that business. Cheryl’s mom, Jessica’s “Nana” Estra Krieger would escort her to auditions, parts she had been chosen for, photo shoots or whatever.  It was not all the time, but Jessica probably had one of these kinds of “outings” once or twice a month.  Jessica would get out of going to school on the day of one of these outings.  She enjoyed them very much.  Her young bubbly personality was always way up front.  It seemed Jessica was smiling, laughing, talking all the time …She loved to talk, and she talked a lot.  That was one of my first impressions of her.  Not finding fault in this, I could just see that it was just the way God had crafted her. Only her mom could turn off the tap if you get my drift.  Onward and sideways…  I finally got some time alone with Cheryl to get to know her better.  She was a very self-assured, confident, if I could call her a legal person, but had a sensitive and sweet side to her.  We continued to talk and have dinner at her home even with Jessica cooking and serving us dinner one time.  That was a treat.  She cooked for our consumption “Spaghetti in a Pan.  Just like I had fed my kids many times in the past. We would pour parmesan cheese over the top. Delicious… Jessica was very proud of her masterpiece.  It was simple, Pour the strained boiled noodles into a pan with a can of spaghetti sauce at low heat and stir till it was hot and ready to eat.  I loved her version of that easy recipe. Cheryl on the other hand, I believe didn’t exactly enjoy it at all. If I recollect, she ate more of the salad than the main course. I ate all the spaghetti Jessica could serve. After dinner, Cheryl instructed Jessica to go do her homework in her bedroom while mommy and Rob talked together alone, and I think it was after this memorable meal Cheryl made the comment that “Jessica really likes you”, I said something like “What’s not to like”.  In  those quiet times with Cheryl, she would go on to tell me about what her life was like living with her ex-husband and how he would go off on binges and she and Jessica would not see him for days, sometimes weeks.  Then when he would come home, he was drunk a lot and very mean, saying hurtful things to both Cheryl and Jessica.  Cheryl told me even those incidents where he would get upset, Jessica as a little girl, would hide herself behind the refrigerator, close her eyes and put her hands over her ears. Cheryl finally had had enough of that kind of life. She ran to her mom or dads house to escape. Finally, once the divorce and all that was finished with her dad’s help, she moved from the San Fernando Valley to the San Gabriel Valley which was about 50 miles from her recent past.  Far enough away from her ex-husband where she felt safe and confident to start over again. Ree and Cheryl were friends and I think Ree with her son Stephen invited Cheryl and Jessica to move in and then split the rent and utilities.  It was a good deal all around for both. We continued to see each other. By this time, I was pretty sure she was the one for me and together we were falling in love.  We never lived together however that part of the story is still to be shared…stay tuned.  She would talk about the past unpacking some of the promises her former husband had promised to Jessica when she was very young.  When he had promised something to her and then failed to show up or follow thru it was devastating to Jessica.  An example of this was when Jessica would sit on the couch looking out the window waiting for her dad to come to pick her up to do something but he would never arrive and would then continue to disappoint her in  this fashion. I heard this story and took this to heart.  Now that Cheryl and I were getting closer and closer after hearing this story and wanting to make a impression on Jessica that would seal the deal so to speak for Cheryl and I, i concocted a plan with Cheryl. The plan was to take her car home with me at the end of our time together.  In my farewell to Jessica that night I promised to come pick her mom and her up at her house at exactly 7:30am the next morning. Of course we showed up right on time to pick them up.  As we drove to drop her off at school that first time, Jessica asked if we were  going to do that the following day.  I said something like,  “Sure kid, sure enough”.  This regiment continued for a few weeks as Cheryl told me later that Jessica was getting up earlier so she could be ready, waiting and watching at the window on their couch for us to come in the driveway. Robert and I would get up a few minutes early, eat breakfast and then drive in Cheryl’s car to their house, pick them up right at 7:30 in the morning Monday thru Friday.  Some mornings we managed to be a bit early and so we would wait at the end of the street waiting for 7:30am, then driving down the street and into their driveway to arrive right on time like I had promised her many weeks before.  Then the four of us Cheryl, Jessica, Robert, and I were on our way first to drop Jessica off, then Robert off, then me off at work and Cheryl would then drive on to her job.  Cheryl would pick up Jessica and Robert many days at school and I would either get a ride home or take the bus home from Alhambra.  Because  I didn’t have a car at that time my dad gave me one of his station wagons and now, I had a bigger car.  We managed to work out the logistics of this arrangement for many more weeks which turned into months.  Finally, the time for Cheryl and Ree’s living arrangements together and the rental agreement with the owner in Arcadia had come to an end.  Cheryl and Jessica, like Ree and Stephen had to vacate their home. I don’t remember why.  Maybe a rent increase or something.  I am not sure where Ree and Stephen landed.  She had a boyfriend so maybe that is where they ended up.  I never heard back exactly how that went down. I on the other hand was helping Cheryl and Jessica move all their stuff into one room of a four-bedroom two bath house with a few other tenants, all sharing the rent, refrigerator, bathrooms, and expenses of the house but really living apart from each other on so many levels.  It was not clean, but it was a place to land until they could figure out their next move.  By this time, I had converted my two-bedroom one bath house into a recording studio with one of the two bedrooms for the control room and the other bedroom was just a bedroom.  The living room had a couch and TV in it and part of that room I had converted into a drum booth with a door. Robert selected to make a kind of “fort” out of the space in the garage for himself. His new room of sorts was very neat, clean, and warm. I was concerned at first about him sleeping in the garage as bad as that sounds but he seemed happy with it. Cheryl and I’s relationship was progressing and we at some point talked about getting married. In those conversations about marriage, she had expressed how much it would mean to her if I were to ask her dad formally for her hand in marriage. What I was not expecting was the way that her dad would react to me asking for her hand. Stay tuned.  With that in mind I had got an engagement ring that I picked up. I believe she had seen it in the store. I remember asking her if she would marry me when we came back from dinner and a movie. At her house in Arcadia on the front doorstep I remember turning to her and saying something like. I really love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you however long that is. Will you marry me. The porch of her home was below, and she stood above me on the threshold, so it was kinda like kneeling down. She answered me with a great big kiss and said “Yes, but you need to ask my dad.  It would mean a lot to him.  So, with that said, we planned the following Saturday to meet with him and his wife Barbara at a popular Chinese restaurant nearby in Glendale that they liked and went too often.  By this time Cheryl had told her mom and three sisters and lots of people from the church. The news was getting out.  Back to the dinner… We sat down and talked, like Al always did, he liked to talk about work, politics, their life working for a lawyer doing collection work etc.  We were served a wonderful family style Chinese meal. Al always loved to order for everyone. Everything he ordered, every time he ordered he was spot on, right on the money it was all so very good. We got done eating and settled the bill as it was appearing that we were getting ready to leave. I said to him “Al, I am very much in love with your daughter Cheryl, and I would really like your blessing on this.  Would it be alright with you to marry Cheryl?”  After I said this, he paused for a few seconds, bowed his head and we could all tell he was starting to cry. Finally, he raised his head with tears in his eyes and said, “Rob, I love you very much that you have honored me by asking me for Cheryl’s hand…”  We stood up and all of us hugged and laughed with some tears.  As he held us close, he said to us, looking thru his glasses into his eyes… “Most assuredly Yes, Yes, Yes…I pulled the ring from my coat and in front of them put the ring on her finger for the second time. LOL… We got our coats on and hugged again outside the restaurant and parted. On the weekends when I had the kids Cheryl and Jessica would come over to my house to hang with Robert and Rebecca, the girls would somehow make a bedroom out of the drum booth, I would be on the couch in the living room, Cheryl in what was my bedroom and Robert was out in the garage. The plan was to sleep over Saturday night and get up on Sunday morning and go to church together. One Sunday morning after services as we were driving with the kids to look for a house to rent after we got married, we happened  to stop at a nearby Ford dealership I think it was in San Gabriel.  All five of us walked into the showroom and Cheryl and I talked to an agent who showed us several minivans on the lot.  We looked over and saw a dark green one that had just come in which had about I think 16,000 miles on it. We took a test drive and decided to negotiate with the agent and managers to buy this car. Still at that time, we all had been driving to church on Sunday in Cheryl’s car which barely fit the five of us as the car my dad had given me recently after several thousand miles finally bit the dust. I am sure the kids were shocked when we told them after the test drive that we were going to try to buy the mini van off the lot that day.  Cheryl and  I would in our negotiations with the agent and  managers talk over our strategy. We decided to stage  a “fight” right there in the showroom. While we were “fighting” one of us would raise their voice and the other would then whisper strategy.  We  of course, did this off to the side so the agent we were talking with could not hear us whisper but only the one raising their voice would be what anyone heard including the kids in the showroom.  Unknown to me but known to Cheryl she had called State Farm Insurance who insured her car, for a loan from our insurance company for $25,000 so as to put the minivan on this loan which was at 0%.  When she told me that she had secured this loan I said in one of the “fighting sessions" yelling at the top of my lungs so to speak…”YOU…DID…WHAT????”  That probably looked more like a fight to those who witnessed it but that was a bit of the genius of the woman I was going to marry upcoming in June. After several sessions as our “fight” lingered we ended up negotiating the loan down from 24,000 to 16,000 and used our State Farm loan in the process.  The dealership I don’t think made a penny off this car as near the end they tried to get us to put the car loan on one of their loan packages.  We now had a minivan for our family.  Wow…what a day and what an experience I had to tell you all.  Of course, at the end of each Sunday evening when Rebecca was with us, we would drive her back to her mom’s house in Ontario. It was never ever easy for me to do that.  Each time it felt like I was abandoning young Rebecca.  Both of my kids seemed in time to be OK with the exchange.  It was never pleasant, but it was what it was. Each of those Sunday evenings when all the kids were with Cheryl and I, we all knew we had to do this unpleasurable act. Usually only to Cheryl’s view I would cry a few tears.  By the time we had left and were back on the freeway going home Cheryl would grab my hand not saying a thing.  I knew she was supporting me.  It was obvious to me that she loved me very much. Cheryl and I never wanted to live together as we did not want to demonstrate to all the kids that this was good, right, and honest.  So now that we were officially engaged, we started looking for a place to bring both families together under one roof.  Of course, Cheryl was so good at this and always did the talking about terms of the agreement and negotiating the price and any other issues.  We went and saw a few, however we wanted to keep it in the same school district that both Jessica and Robert would be in.  We found this house in the San Gabriel area which was right on the border of the Temple City School District.  We made an agreement and with the owners put a down on the house for rent so as to hold it. Got the keys but then it hit us. The plan was to move Cheryl and Jessica from their one room place into this big new three-bedroom two bath house we had found. When we started to look over the financials as to how we were going to afford to keep this new house, saving Cheryl and Jessica from having to live in their one room place, as well as pay rent for Robert and I to live till the wedding at the two-bedroom home on Cloverly, frankly, the money from our  two incomes would end way before the end of the month if you get my drift. We did not want to go back on what we had said to the kids and mostly to God.  Cheryl said, “We need to talk to Pastor Drell about this and we need to talk to him soon?  Soon was the next day as Cheryl and I were in his office the next evening.  What do we do about this issue?  We love this new house, but we cannot afford the second rental cost. Pastor Drell listened quietly to all our discussion about it as we had talked about the big wedding, we had planned in June but how would we get there from where we were. It was late January or early February.  He said, “Why don’t you get married…NOW… We could do this in my office or if you want you could have a private ceremony with a few friends and some family so as to keep a lid on this till your June wedding date.  We looked at each other and said, “WHY DIDN’T WE THINK OF THAT”. Drell replied, with a kind of grin to the side of his face, “Because that is why they pay me the big bucks”.  LOL. That is exactly what we did.  We got married on Feb 14th, Valentine’s Day. After the morning service that day, we lagged around and Terry, Cheryl, and I with a small number of witnesses present  were declared one.  We wore our rings in front of everyone. No one even asked a question. Together we moved into our new home, Robert and Jessica went on to attend school in the Temple City School District walking each day to the local high school nearby. Cheryl and I continued with our regular jobs. We kept the news of our early February wedding from everyone in the church.  We wanted to have our big June wedding with all the rest of our family. The only ones who knew about the February wedding were Cheryl’s mom and dad and my mom and sister. This was so that we could have a big day in June.  June 27th to be exact.  As I have probably said many times in this chapter Cheryl was so very resourceful and in the mornings before work and in each evening right up to the day of the wedding along with the entire weekend, weekend after weekend right up to the day of the wedding she was plotting, compiling, synchronizing, collecting, planning, calling and negotiating so that we would have one of the most magnificent weddings I had ever been to, let alone being one of the main players in it.  She was a “superstar”.  Just sayin… She found the cathedral in Pasadena where the event would be held.  Behind the cathedral was a rather large area where we could have the wedding reception.  So, with that all said, so many of the arrangements were something she arranged. We were over that way on a Saturday at the cathedral and saw a horse and carriage.  We inquired about renting their services to bring Cheryl, Jessica, and Rebecca to the cathedral. I was not aware, but Cheryl again arranged to get herself and the girls dressed at the hotel room and then meet the horse and carriage at the hotel lobby entrance nearby. The horse and carriage would then take them to the cathedral fresh and ready to walk down the aisle with her mom and dad to arrive at the destination under the Hoopa with me.  We had practiced this the day before. The stage was set. Cue the song I wrote for her called, “My Dearest One”.  Cheryl and her parents walked her down the aisle with Jessica and Rebecca preceding them.  At the end of the song there was a great crescendo and I had dubbed my deepest speaking voice saying in deep tones like Lou Rawls or Barry White… “I love you Cookie”.  Every time I called her that she would crumble, thus the crumbling began when she arrived at the front of the stage facing me.  All of those we had invited came and were seated. All the groomsmen with their bridesmaids had walked down the center aisle and were in their places. Then at the peak of the music like I had written, recorded, timed, and planned, Cheryl with her precious mom and dad had walked down the aisle toward me. It was all coming together. I met her at the end of the row, she took my arm and together we walked slowly toward Pastor Drell and Cousin Bobbie who were officiating the ceremony.  Truth be told we both crumbled.  I will leave those moments at that. Pastor Drell would do most of the ceremony, opening greeting, rings, communion, and other parts he spoke to the crowd or to us as we stood before them.  Cheryl’s cousin Bobbie had a particularly important part of the ceremony to honor Cheryl, her family and those who attended that were Jewish.  Another touch to this was that we had the wedding in the early afternoon on Sunday so as not to exclude anyone in her family because of the observance of the weekly Sabbath time.  It was particularly important to have this very much in the middle of the ceremony.  Bobbie gave the background and history of the Hoopa and the wonderful spiritual Jewish perspective of what this simple accessory to our wedding meant and the symbolic dynamics that it held.  Bobbie then at the end of the ceremony, in Hebrew,  spoke a prayer and blessing over both Cheryl and me. We were both very glad cousin Bobbie agreed to participate in the ceremony along with Pastor Drell.  Bobbie did a wonderful job as our Rabbi for the day. Pastor Drell then directed us thru the other parts of our ceremony, our vows, the exchanging of rings, our first communion, the kiss, and then the  pronouncement he gave as we were now husband and wife.  It was a culmination to an enormous amount of planning and details.  What a “magical” day.  As I write about this the tears flow from my eyes thinking about that great day June 27th, 1995.  

More next week…